Parenting teaches hard lessons, though most take years to sink in. Our role is not to clear every obstacle, but to create opportunities for learning, while being willing to let things get a little uncomfortable.
That truth crystallized for me on a family trip to Ireland last year. I had planned every stop, hotel, and activity. On day two we had a flat tire – with no spare – and were stranded for four hours. It could have been a disaster, but it turned into a wonderfully memorable evening, exploring a historic site at sunset and enjoying a late meal at the best local pub. Ask my kids about the trip and they’ll tell you the flat tire was the highlight. It was a powerful reminder: some of the most meaningful moments come from unexpected detours.
The same principle applies as our kids grow up.
No amount of planning or protection can eliminate every struggle. In fact, when we try too hard to shield our children from mistakes or discomfort, we may rob them of the chance to develop resilience, flexibility, and confidence.
So, what can parents do to prepare our children (of all abilities and disabilities) to transition into well-adjusted, productive, independent adults?
Start earlier than you think. Kids learn from our examples and openness. Discuss and demonstrate openness, lifelong learning, career expectations, money skills, healthy habits and independent living skills long before they are ready to leave the nest.
Focus on efforts, not just results. Persistence, self-advocacy, and time management matter as much as grades, awards and trophies.
Step back and let them fail sometimes. Letting go (a little) may be the hardest and most valuable parenting skill. If someone never falls, how do they learn to get up?
Build a team. Engage with trusted advisors, counselors, and community to build the right team to help each child thrive. Nobody can do it alone, and our kids should learn to leverage the wisdom and talents around them for the best outcomes.
Whether our children have special needs, disabilities, or extraordinary gifts, our job as parents is to help them experience the world, learn from it, and find their own direction.
The unplanned moments are often the best ones. And learning to navigate bumps in the road can help prepare our children for adulthood.
This article originally appeared in the September 2026 issue of Financial Perspectives®: The Magazine. Explore the full issue for more perspectives on navigating life’s transitions and the opportunities that can come with change.
