The holidays are traditionally times of joy and anticipation. But are you feeling a little out of step this season?
Are your levels of joy and anticipation somewhat mixed, not quite where you want them to be? If so, you’re not alone.
Numerous studies have found that the holiday blues (or “seasonal affective disorder”) along with mild depression or anxiety may touch as many as one in three adults each year. Even when life’s circumstances are good, we’re not immune to feeling a little down, now and again, especially around the holidays.
So, when the blues appear, what can we do to help recover our equilibrium, our sense of connection to the good life we’re living? How can we raise the likelihood of enjoying another great holiday season?
The answer may be as simple as focusing on gratitude and generosity.
Gratitude is Essential to Well-being
Psychological research clearly connects expressing gratitude with feeling better, thus confirming the time-tested adage and song lyric, “Count your many blessings, name them one by one.”
In his research paper Counting Blessing versus Burdens, UC Davis professor and psychologist Robert Emmons found that those experiencing a thankful outlook exhibited “heightened well-being.” He often adds that few things in life are as integral to our well-being as expressing thanks and gratitude. Supporting research finds that “consistently grateful people are more energetic, emotionally intelligent, forgiving, and less likely to be depressed, anxious, or lonely.”
Thankfully (pun intended), gratitude is a choice that can be cultivated in our lives.
Exercise: Writing Three Things
Here’s an exercise I’ve used off and on for years. Each morning, I make an entry in my journal. I think about the last 24 hours and identify three things that went well or that I’m thankful for. It never takes more than five minutes to jot them down. They don’t need to be big things. Yesterday, I was thankful for an afternoon nap in the sun. The other day, I was still glowing from an amazingly tasty French onion burger at a favorite restaurant.
Psychologists say this kind of exercise prompts our brains to scan for and focus on positive things in our lives, which jump starts gratitude. Gratitude, in turn, rewires our brain to be happier and less depressed. Doing this exercise for just a few weeks can create positive results that last for months.
Another way to incorporate the spirit of gratitude into our lives is to embrace the forgotten art of handwritten thank-you notes. The act of physically writing the words “thank you” for something is powerful. And why wait for a gift before writing a note? If you’re thankful for the role someone has played or is playing in your life, or for something you see them doing, let them know!
Some studies suggest that anonymous acts of generosity provide a significant extra boost to our feelings of positivity.
Generosity is a Win-Win
I was reviewing some research recently and came across this surprising paragraph:
“… a host of studies (including brain fMRI scans) have uncovered evidence that humans are biologically wired for generosity. Acting generously activates the same reward pathway (in the brain) that is activated by sex and food, a correlation that may help to explain why giving and helping feel good.”
If that’s the way our brain functions, and we’d like to improve our mood (without overeating or putting too much pressure on our spouse), we can try acting generously.
In the same research, the authors note that:
“Many studies point to the possible positive consequences of generosity for the giver. Giving social support— time, effort, or goods—is associated with better overall health in older adults, and volunteering is associated with delayed mortality. Generosity appears to have especially strong associations with psychological health and well-being.”
Generosity encompasses far more than simply giving money. And experience tells me that the closer I am to the people I’m being generous toward, the better I feel about it. Some studies suggest that anonymous acts of generosity provide a significant extra boost to our feelings of positivity.
Exercise: Carrying Cash
A great catalyst for inspiring anonymous generosity is simply carrying cash. A friend of mine makes it a point to carry cash so he can anonymously pay for someone’s groceries or restaurant bill. Having cash available makes him more aware and observant of people nearby. When he notices someone who might need a little help or encouragement in their day, he gives extra cash to the checker or waiter and points out who to use the money for. Then he leaves.
He’s been excited about the positive impact that comes from helping others without creating any sense of obligation or awkward connections on the part of the recipients.
Exercise: Sharing Something Special
Another friend and his wife regularly take people out to dinner and occasionally pay some or all the costs to take folks on a vacation with them. They find their enjoyment is enhanced by bringing others along, especially those friends who may not easily be able to afford the experience in their current life circumstances. This echoes the book Happy Money, in which psychologist Elizabeth Dunn and Behavioral scientist Michael Norton provide evidence that spending on experiences for and with others generates more happiness than spending on ourselves.
My wife Kim and I have found something similar in choosing to host our growing family (now 19 of us including grandchildren!) in Breckenridge, Colorado every summer. If they supply the time, we’ll provide everything else. As your family grows there may also be opportunities to generously cover education expenses, downpayments on homes, or other needs.
I’m not advising financial overextending or irresponsibility. (I am a financial advisor after all!) But if you can afford it, why not “just do it.” Allow yourself to feel the lift of being generous alongside the pleasure of enjoying an activity with those you love.
None of these ideas should take the place of volunteering or giving to the causes and organizations you care about. If you’re not already connected to an organization or cause, think about the needs of your community and ask friends about who’s doing good work in areas that interest you.
Gratitude and Generosity Feed Each Other and Create Positive Momentum
The idea that gratitude and generosity are positively correlated, that one encourages the other, is not new. All great religious and secular traditions include some instruction similar to Jesus’s words: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”
We are encouraged to be thankful and to share with others through forms of generosity – both of which have the potential to improve our well-being, as well as the well-being of those around us.
“Gratitude is important not only because it helps us feel good, but also because it helps us do good.” – Robert Emmons
So how can you apply these lessons to enhancing your happiness and well-being this holiday season?
Make sure your preparations include plans for expressing gratitude and extending generosity. And don’t discount the value of seemingly small actions. A single expression of gratitude or act of generosity can create momentum for more of the same – building toward a more joyful holiday season full of celebration, meaning, and positive experiences for yourself and those you care about.
For a deeper dive into Emmons’ and McCullough’s research, follow this link to their article: Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life
