Recently, a married couple in their late 70s asked us for our help. They were planning to share some big news with their adult children who are in their 40s and 50s. They came to us for input on the agenda and how to best navigate a potentially delicate discussion topic.
We love it when clients ask us for help. Asking for help shows that they value our opinion and trust us to partner with them in handling important financial conversations. It gives us an opportunity to do what we’re good at and love to do. And it’s beyond flattering when they put our suggestions to work!
What’s the big news, you ask? At their passing, the family plans to donate a third of their wealth to a handful of charities they love to support. Wow!
You can understand, and applaud, why this couple wants some help in sharing the news: It’s significant, it has the potential to be emotional, and it may be surprising to the kids, especially if they don’t often have family conversations about finances or generosity.
Though it can be daunting, we strongly support communicating big family and charitable giving intentions ahead of time.
Striking the right tone for this conversation is critical.
To have a happier ending, it should be more like a friendly dialogue than a classroom lesson with a teacher instructing pupils.
In this case, we suggested a two-part approach to the client couple:
1. Before the meeting, we encouraged each spouse to write the kids a letter to share what’s in their heart in their own words. There’s a story behind what motivates a family to make significant charitable gifts in their estate plan. Sharing the context for their decision with their kids builds a bridge to understanding.
2. In the meeting, we suggested the parents take a novel approach with their adult children: After sharing the big news, extend an invitation to the kids to share more about their favorite charities.
What did the invitation to share sound like? It went something like this: “Now that you know our plans to bless our favorite charities, we want to hear from you. Tell us about your favorite charitable organizations, because what is close to your heart is important to us. As your parents, we love you beyond measure and want to understand you just as you are. Because we care for you, we might be interested in financially caring for the organizations you love.”
At Foster Group, truly caring for our clients means taking the time to learn what’s in their hearts and helping them pursue their goals. When parents extend an invitation like this to kids, it’s an opportunity for connection. It demonstrates curiosity. It seeks input with the intent to act upon it. Notice that it’s the opposite of a lecture; rather, it’s lighthearted and open-handed. There’s another time and place to talk about all the responsibility that comes with managing an inheritance, stewarding a charitable legacy, and how costly even small financial mistakes can be. To build a strong bridge of understanding and connection as you share a big decision, start by extending an invitation to participate and watch engagement follow.
Ready to extend a powerful invitation of your own? Connect with us today.
